Pride Month Streamer Spotlight 2022: Interviewees Discuss Their LGBTQ Identities

To celebrate Pride Month, Game Rant conducted a series of interviews highlighting LGBTQIA+Twitchcontent creators and the community as a whole. Pride Month celebrations started back in 1970 after the Stonewall Riots that occurred from June 28 through July 28, 2025. This is what started the modern LGBT movement, with President Bill Clinton officially making June Pride Month in 2000, gradually allowing the community to expand into what it is now.

Although Pride Month is the perfect occasion to highlight LGBTQIA+ content creators and their platforms, Game Rant is committed to uplifting marginalized voices and those of queer individuals all year round. These conversations were aimed at discussing important LGBTQIA+ topics, what it means to be a queer content creator onTwitch, and what can change for the community’s future. The following transcripts have been edited for clarity.

Last year, Game Rant started a Pride Month Streamer Spotlight, which we’re happy to continue this year with several fresh streamers.

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Toph

Q: Would you improve Pride Month celebrations in any way? If so, how?

A: I feel like for me, personally, to the extent in which Icelebrate Pridemyself, if “celebrate” is even the right word to use, Twitch during Pride Month has an activation, there are front page slots. A lot of people raise money for LGBTQIA+ organizations. But yeah, I think we should acknowledge the LGBTQIA+ community and uplift the voices of queer people all year round. Yesterday it was the first day of Pride, so I was streaming, and I always made a point to say “Happy Pride Month if you’re queer, ensure you’re celebrating yourself this month and every other month. And if you’re an ally, make sure you’re uplifting, encouraging, and supporting your queer friends and family this month and every month.”

I do think that if there’s something I could change, it would be the way organizations treat queer people as acommodity during Pride Month. It is very easy, even for us LGBTQIA+ people to fall into that web because we’re not used to seeing so many products and being celebrated. We don’t really see ourselves in products all year round. It’s really easy to be drawn to that, but there’s a lot of work that needs to be done.

These organizations realize they can use us as a commodity, and I don’t think that any group of people needs to be catered to more than any other, but we should be acknowledged and thought of in the grand scheme of things all year round, not just in the month when they can make money off of us. I think a bit of responsibility falls on queer individuals, allies, and whoever is buying these products during June because a lot of the time these businesses are pocketing all the money. There are businesses that will give the entire profits or a small percentage to charity, but it comes down to a personal responsibility where we have to do a bit of research and make sure that if we are going to spend money on thesePride products, it’s at least going to be benefiting a good cause. If it’s not, just donate the money you would’ve spent on the products to the cause directly.

Oreo has this package for Pride that’s covered in messages from allies. On the package, there’s not a single queer voice, and it’s for Pride Month, but there’s a space on it for allies to write their messages. There’s no special flavor, butLady Gagacan get one. The flavor thing is an aside, but the packaging itself is weird. I’d rather see actions than words on a cookie wrapper. A lot of these businesses, whether they are American or not, they are international, and what might pass in one country might not pass in others. That’s the nature of business, and it’s hard in the world that we live in because every country is at different points of development, or progress.

Q: What do you think of discrimination within the LGBTQIA+ community?

A: I was having this conversation earlier about how straight people sometimes only support queer people if they are palatable, like if we’re straight-passing or if we’re not “loud.” I think even within the community there’s a lot of that internalizedtoxic masculinity, I want to say because that’s kind of where it roots from. A lot of that is based on toxic masculinity and heteronormative values and standards, especially among gay men. They always like to speak negatively of effeminate men, but what’s wrong with femininity? If you have a problem with that, it goes back to the idea of women being weaker and not as good as men, therefore femininity equals weakness. It’s just very weird, that kind of thinking and in-fighting in the LGBTQIA+ community. It’s sad. Even if there are laws protecting queer people, those values seep very deep into our culture and our people on an individual level. I think we internalize it too, which is shitty.

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Q: How has your streaming career been impacted by being openly LGBT, if at all?

A: There are two sides there, a negative and a positive. Speaking positively, it’s been really a great experience. One, because by being open myself I got to talk to so many other queer people, and that’s been meaningful. Doing that for five years since I’ve been streaming, and before Twitch I was on YouTube too, and I was open then as well. It’s allowed me to learn more about myself. I’ve known that I was gay for a very long time, but during the time that I was streaming, I also came to realize that I was demisexual.

I think being so open and talking so openly, talking about my experiences and other people’s experiences, my community definitely helped me to realize certain things about myself. Another positive was many people telling me that my streams and my being open has helped them either realize their ownsexuality or gender identityor help them come out. Even if they haven’t come out. I always tell people that coming out of the closet is not something you should or have to rush. Some people never come out. It’s not something you have to do if you don’t want to do it. You’re valid no matter if you want to come out or not. For those people who are not out, not ready, don’t want to come out, having them tell me they feel like they can come to my stream and feel comfortable and safe to be who they are, speak about their lives and experiences without fear of judgment. It warms my heart if it’s not cheesy to say. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good just by being myself

Negatively, and there’s always a negative side to being yourself on the Internet, even if you’re not queer, but by being a minority you’re facing it a lot more. When you’reopen like that on the Internet, you are kind of putting a target on your back. That’s just the world we live in right now. You go into it knowing that at some point someone will come and say something. For the most part, it doesn’t bother me. A lot of the time is just weak comments, like “Ahah, you’re gay,” and I’m like “Yeah, I know. I’ve known for a very long time, thank you for telling me.” A lot of the time is weak stuff that’s easy to ignore, and if it’s weak I’ll just ban and move on, but sometimes I like to have a teaching moment.

I used to be a teacher like a decade ago, and I do like to have those teaching moments where I do call someone out on stream, and we end up having a really good discussion. Maybe not me and the person who said something, but for me and the community as a whole. I have this one TikTok that I uploaded that got a lot of traction, and basically what happened was someone came in, I called them out, and I said “If I have to take time out of my stream to have these teaching moments and get angry, so be it.” I’m pretty comfy-cozy on my stream, I like to playAnimal Crossing, and Nintendo stuff, so if I have to take a moment to step away from that and get serious, even a little aggressive, so be it. If that makes anyone uncomfortable, even if it’s not anyone involved, even if it’s just people watching me, an openly queer man standing up for myself and my community, then I don’t want them there.

I know that it’s going to help other people, whether they are allies or queer people, especially young, closeted queer people, I want them to see me standing up for myself and being a strong queer person so that they know that if and when they’re ready to come out, or if they encounter a homophobe or troll, they don’t have to feel bad. You can stand up for yourself and know that who you are is perfect and normal. That’s regardless of what other people think.

Even the negative aspect, which is the trolls, can turn into a positive because it turns into teaching moments, and it shows people that we don’t have to take a sitting down. If you wanna fight with me, I’m gonna fight back. I don’t mind fighting with homophobes. I’m fromNew York, I don’t mind fighting and getting loud. I’ve had tons of people tell me “Hey, I want to start streaming, but I’m trans, or gay, or whatever, and I’m afraid.” I always tell them “I’m not going to lie to you, I’m not going to say you’re not going to deal with homophobes and those types of people, but if it’s something that you want to do, and you’ve secured who you are, don’t let those people stop you from living your life.”

If you’re happy, and you’re not hurting yourself or other people, it doesn’t matter what people say. Live your life for yourself. It can definitely be hard because everyone’s afraid of that internalized homophobia or whatever it may be. You are your own worst enemy if you assume the worst. “What if this happens if I come out?,” but I try to remind people that there are bad times, but those are just times that are not good, and there will be lots of great times too. Take it at your own pace and do what feels right for you. Especially for young people because they live with their parents, and they get kicked out. That’s why I always tell people that if you are not in a safe position to come out, if you don’t have a backup plan, or you’re not in a position to secure your own safety if things did go sour, then wait. As much as I want to tell you to come out, I’d rather people be safe than come out of the closet and be in a really bad situation. It’s sad that I even have to say that, but it’s a reality.

Q: We discussed this already, but is it hard to stay positive with haters and trolls around?

A: It’s exhausting to deal with trolls. I’ve been on the front page on Twitch for Pride activation andHispanic Heritage Monthas well. During those times you’re on the front page there are thousands of viewers who are not people who follow you, not people who know you, so there’s a lot more opportunity for trolls to come in. Honestly, in my experience on Twitch, I think the most exhausting moment was this one stream I had where people came in, and it ended up being a two-hour conversation, and my time on the front page was two hours. The entire time I was on the front page, which should have been a joyous occasion ended up with me having to defend myself and defend my queer identity and community.

One troll started it, and as I answered, more people started ganging up on me. I was calmly trying to defend my right to exist, and it turned into them saying “Why do you gay people have to always make everything gay?” like why has everything in our lives have to be gay. And I said to them “Before you came in here, my community and I were playingMario Kart, talking about Nintendo games. I’m only talking about being gay right now because you brought it up. you’re able to’t come in here and say why do you gay people make everything about being gay when it was you who made this about being gay. You started the conversation, and now you’re gaslighting me to make it seem like I’m aggressive, and I’m being too much.”

So I think it’s homophobes and trolls who make everything aboutbeing gay. I love being gay, I love my identity, but I don’t talk about being gay all the time. That’s exhausting. It’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy for homophobes. They think that queer people talk about being queer all the time, but then they are the ones who start the conversation, and then they get mad, but it’s their own fault. It’s funny when you think about it, but in the moment it’s frustrating. Like, every video game that has voice chat, you could be playing with strangers online and be the best player on the team, and they might say that you’re good at the game, even thank you. If you were to turn the voice chat on and sounded gay, they’d use slurs against you. Their positive opinion would immediately change as soon as they realize or had any suspicion that you were queer.

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Q: What do you think are the benefits of your job, and what the concerns?

A: I think the benefits are what we discussed already, that I have a platform where I can use my voice to some degree touplift the community, that people see it as a safe space to have a good example of what a strong queer person is and can be, especially in the gaming industry, where queer people and women don’t always have a place. It is nice to be that representation and show people that they always have a place. I didn’t feel like that when I was a kid, so it’s nice to be able to do that.

As for the negative aspects of doing this as a job, I think you have to have a really strong mental fortitude to do content creation in general, especially as a minority, because you’re putting yourself in the line of fire. If you don’t have a strong sense of self, then it’s very easy to be broken down by what people say. For me, it takes a lot to get under my skin, so a lot of the time I can brush it off, but I’m also a bit older. For younger people and maybe certain people in general, it’s not always easy to not hold onto that. It’s hard to let those things go, take it personally, and hold onto things at the end of the stream.

I know people who had to take breaks, and some had to stop streaming altogether because they couldn’t handle it. It’s unfortunate because when you look at the statistics of the top streamers, a lot of them are men, mostly cis white men, not even a lot of women, definitely not queer people. It is a little sad, and maybe this is me being a little pessimistic, so I do apologize, but it’s sad to think that a queer person making as far as those people don’t seem very likely to me. What makes it even more frustrating to me is that those people who are in a position of power are oftentimes not using their own platform toraise awareness for minorities. Not stuff like fundraising, donations, and helping with charity work.

They’re also not monitoring and moderating their own chats, where a lot of the language you see is very ableist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynist, and racist. It is kinda hard to think that the industry that I’m currently working in has a lot further to go. It can be a bit demoralizing at times, but I see a lot of other incredible people on Twitch. Women, POC,black creators, trans creators, and queer people like me. As long as I focus on those people and the good I’m doing with my platform, I can keep pushing forward, and that’s how I’ve continued streaming for as long as I have. That’s why I want to keep going. While we may not be as loud or as big as the content creators at the top, we’re still doing good for so many people, and I see that on a personal level in my own community and in other people’s communities.

It’s Pride Month, and we’re doing Pride Month on Twitch right now, and having so many awesome creators on the front page, among the recommended channels of all sizes, there is just so much queer excellence out there to discover. I know that as the years go by, more and more people will join us. I see this from five years ago when I started, there are so many more openly queer people on Twitch now. It’s magical. We keep growing, and younger generations are more open, but we have many people that are allying with us, and that’s also very important. So yeah, stronger together. I want to look back as an old man and see all thefreedom that LGBTQIA+ people will havethat I didn’t have. Even now I see all the freedom that we have that didn’t exist when my parents were my age.

Q: What do you think should change to provide a better life for LGBT individuals?

A: Oh my gosh, so much. I think the first thing that comes to mind, and it might seem silly because I know that there are much more serious things that need to be changed involving laws, our governments, and the rights and freedoms that we have, but I think we’re all aware of that. Maybe my answer is a little sillier, but for me, just seeing more representation in media. Like, nowadays, there’s this show based oncomic books,Heartstopper. To me, it made my heart so happy. Just hearing from all these people, especially in my community, how great that show was, how much it meant to them, and how after they watched the show they came out to their parents using a scene from the series. Even talking about it right now, I’m glad we’re not on camera because I do feel tears swelling up because it makes me so happy.

When I was a kid I felt so alone, I didn’t have that representation. When I started realizing that I was different and that I was gay, I didn’t want to tell anyone and I felt so ashamed because I felt there was no one like me. That feeling was so isolating. I’m sure that for many people who felt that way, it led to so many terrible things, like suicide, and poor mental health. Seeing the representation that we have now, geared towards queer people and made by queer people is so important. I hope we continue to see that because it can help so many people to come out, to feel less alone, to know that they’re normal, and to know they have access to the same level of happiness and opportunity that other people do. Hopefully, cis people and allies will also see these stories and will lessen the stigma and these terrible phobias that they have or might have internalized growing up.

Even now, in 2022, you talk to some people, and they’re like “I don’t know any gay people. I’ve never met an LGBTQIA+ person in my life,” but if there are more of these people from the stories told in the media, it can only help us. When we were kids, there was a lot of queer coding in cartoons. A lot of thevillains were often queer-coded. There was this idea of the hyper-feminine female or an effeminate male character, but they were always the bad guys. That’s why I think there’s this weird phenomenon where a lot of queer people tend to like horror movies because we grew up being the bad guys and being the outcasts, the misunderstood.

Even now, when I watch some shows I root for the bad guys. The good guys are always the heteronormative straight people, but the bad guys are the queer-coded ones. People were not queer-coding their villains, so we could rally behind them. They were probably doing it because it’s a little homophobic, and we want these bad guys to be immediately loathsome, but it backfired becausequeer people will latch onto any kind of representation. I’m glad that, nowadays, the representation that we can latch onto is overwhelmingly positive. Whether you’re the villain or not, you’re the other.

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Q: What do you think video games can do to contribute to a better life for LGBTQIA+ individuals?

A: I think I sort of answered this with the last question because I believe it goes down to representation and also escapism. When I was a kid, I often felt very different and video games kind of gave me that escape. When I was a teenager, I played a lot of JRPGs, and those games have parties made of people from all different tribes and different parts of the world. I think a particular game, calledTales of Symphonia, is one of my favorite games as a kid. The main characters are a human raised by dwarves and his best friend is a half-elf. In this world, there’s a lot of discrimination against half-elves.

But the human character, Lloyd, never looked at Genis, the half-elf, as anything more than his best friend in a world where everyone hated Genis for being a half-elf. Stories like that gave me hope as a kid, even though it’s obviously not about straight people and queer people. These stories definitely stayed with me because they gave me hope that, in the real world, I would be able to find people that would love me and accept me for exactly who I was. In that story, there’s a moment where Genis says “Maybe I am a monster, maybe I am what they say I am, maybe they have a reason to fear me,” and sometimes I felt that way, but I always hoped that I would find myJRPG partythat could help me.

I think video games can do that for a lot of people. The narratives can translate to so many real-world situations. We learn a lot about ourselves, about our world, and how things operate through books, movies, and shows, and video games are no different. I think the rules of the real world operate differently for us. Growing up, we couldn’t really follow those rules set by society because they don’t apply to us. So we had to find and explore other rules of other worlds that we find in fictional settings, and learn what works for us and what doesn’t. The world wasn’t built for us.

We were always expected to fit into the rigid rules and roles that were set. It somehow became our responsibility to fit into them instead of the world and our societies building a space for us. I think a lot of people, sadly, don’t try to fight those norms. I think we become so numb to them. InJapan, there’s a very famous proverb that in English roughly translates into “The nail that sticks out gets hammered in.” It basically means that nobody in society should stand out or want to be different, fight the tide, fight the waves, or whatever. Harmony is the most important thing, and that goes for everyone, not just minorities. I feel like that applies to a lot of cultures and a lot of expectations that cultures put on the people.

Q: What LGBTQIA+ video game would you recommend and why?

A: Okay, this is an easy one because it’s a game that I just recently played. There’s a game calledUnpackingthat came out recently. That game, I went into it not even realizing that it had any kind of LGBTQIA+ themes at all, so as I was playing it, it was so interesting to learn through furniture and items the story of this main character. I don’t want to talk too much of it because it’s spoilers for people who want to play it, but there are queer themes to it.

There should be more stories that have really good queer representation and celebrate queer identities instead of having these “bury your gays” tropes, where any time there’s a queer story, it ends up having someone dying from AIDS or something, that kind of stereotypical stories. Not only do we want to step away from that and tell more positive stories, but we also want to tell more queer stories where the queer narrative is not, for lack of a better term, shoved down our throats. Our lives are just as normal as everyone else’s.

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blizzb3ar

Q: A tweet of yours states that you will continue to be loud, passionate, and a problem. How do you feel about “having to be a problem” just to raise awareness?

A: There are two sides to how I see it. I don’t mind being a problem as long as good change is happening within the world. It sucks, though, that I have to be a problem for some people to listen in order for my boundaries to be protected, or for me to amplify certain voices andidentities, even those that I contain being black and bisexual. It sucks, but I’m sitting here like “Someone has to do it, and I’m going do it because I don’t mind doing it,” but I also feel like it puts people in a mindset that they can also be a problem too. They can be individuals who put themselves first and stop people-pleasing and start speaking up for issues that are important within the world and the change they want to see in the world. It’s a weird definition for the word “villain” because sometimes the villains are not even bad people in general.

Sometimes,villains are just passionate about things they care about, about change, or are just completely valid in what they are doing. Being a problem I see it as a good thing. It sucks that I am a problem, but I’m still going to continue doing so because I’m also stubborn. Sometimes, what people see as negative is because it’s something different from their lives, so a lot of the time people will see other people being open about their sexuality as negative because it goes against their Christian values, goes against the way they were raised. Now, that person is villainized for being so vocal about their sexuality. In their mind, that person is now a villain, but they’re not doing anything wrong. They’re speaking up about maybe gay rights, or for trans individuals, stiff like that. It’s definitely an interesting viewpoint, but I like being the villain.

Q: What do you think of villains sometimes being queer-coded?

A: It’s interesting because, you know, I can go with Disney. A lot ofDisney villains are queer-coded, Jafar being one of them, also Ursula, you got Hades being queer-coded. And it’s like “I’m supposed to hate these villains, but they’re kind of relatable, at this point,” and I get it. If queer individuals need to start getting into their villain era, I’m ready for that, and I’m already signed up, I’m already a part of the cause.

Q: About your brand, why blizzb3ar?

A: That’s a very good question, people ask it all the time. I used to play this MMORPG as a young lad, a game calledMapleStory, and I wanted my name to be “pandabear,” but that was taken. So I did “polarbear,” but it was also taken. Then I went “blizzbear,” with an “e” instead of the “3,” and that was also taken. So I just did “blizzb3ar” with the “3,” and that’s just the name I’ve continued since. Moving onto Twitch it was kinda funny because when you think about a polar bear, the majority of the time you think about a bear in the gay community, but a white bear. And so, when you click on my name, I’m the complete opposite of that. It’s so funny. It’s almost like I’m scamming you in some way.

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Q: Speaking of “scamming” others, do you feel that voice chats in video games can be problematic for LGBTQIA+ individuals when they don’t “sound straight”?

A: I play a lot ofValorantoff-stream, and any game that’s a shooting game and has voice chat or voice comms, there’s a lot of toxicity within it. For some reason, people are very bigoted because they think that their actions don’t have repercussions. They’re behind a username, or they’re behind the Internet, so they feel they have some sort of immunity to consequences for being like a bigot and saying things, hurtful things online.

You see it inDestiny 2when people hear it in your voice that you don’t sound like a straight white male, which doesn’t make sense to me because what does that mean? You’ll see how their actions and words are, and what kind of energy is towards you, and it’s so messed up. Like, if you’re a woman, you don’t need someone to explain the game. If you need help you’ll say you’ll need help.

There’s some sort of entitlement in the white straight male community, where they feel to white-knight everything or be the savior, or have to inform and know everything. You don’t. I’m well-equipped and well-prepared. What I see a lot on TikTok these days because I follow a lot of individuals who completely roast men when they playFPS games, it makes me so happy, but you know, it’s just the toxicity. A lot of toxicity for no reason. I don’t know where it’s stemming from, but they to nip it in the bud, for sure.

Q: What would you say to people who value the privacy of their identity and sexuality but still need or want to come out?

A: I would say, first and foremost, understand that this is your journey. Don’t let anyone narrate your journey. There’s no coming out late, there’s no coming out early, this is your identity. This is for you to figure out if you want to figure it out. What I will say, especially in terms of online presence, the information that you give out online is up to you. Personally, I was fully out to my parents and everyone about two years ago, maybe a year ago. When it comes to coming out, you come out every year or so because it’s a constant “People might not know,” and you just tell them, and it’s you coming out again to a new group of people. Just as a reminder, just set boundaries for yourself online or with people if you want to talk about certain issues because you don’t have to talk about your sexuality whatsoever. A lot of people who don’t necessarily understand sexuality will attempt to make that someone’s main talking point when talking to them. There’s more to an individual.

Being queer is a part of their identityand a part of their conversation, but that’s not the only thing they’re known for. Humans are complex, they have different interests and everything, there is no stereotyping whatsoever when it comes to queer identities in general. I guess the long-winded way of answering that question is to set boundaries and make sure you’re sharing information that you want to share and coming out whenever you want to come out, there is no forcing it. This is your journey, you control your narrative. Sometimes, with media, it’s kind of romanticized coming out, but coming out isn’t always roses – happiness and roses. Sometimes, it’s traumatic, it’s trauma.

For me, personally, it istrauma. But I’m working on it, dealing with that, and processing that. If you don’t feel comfortable with people having that information that’s ok. It’s your life and it’s your story. You’re still a part of the Pride, at the end of the day, especially if you’re a queer individual, whether you told anyone or not, so happy Pride. When it comes to history there is nothing about sexuality that is normal. Queerness existed way back. If you’re straight, go you. If you’re queer, go you.

Q: Do you think that therapy is especially helpful for LGBTQIA+ individuals?

A: Yes, absolutely. I’m relatively new totherapymyself, it’s my second time doing it, but this time at a more professional level. I’ve unlearned a lot of things. I’ve unlearned a lot of self-hate, all the hate towards myself because of how I was raised, as I came from a super religious background. Constantly, queerness was always shunned, it was always bad, a sin, and stuff like that. Even now I’m still unlearning, but it takes a lot of effort, and sometimes, therapy is a good step into helping yourself unlearn bad things and learn new things about yourself. It can take a lot of time because people sit here and get themselves unfair deadlines on when they’re supposed to come out or when they’re supposed to have their shit together. You can spend your entire life getting your shit together. You can be eighty and still trying to get your shit together. But it’s unfair to yourself to give yourself a deadline on when you’re supposed to have everything together. No, you’re fine, you’re learning the world, you’re processing the world as good as you can, and that’s important.

There are a couple of conversations I wish I could have with my younger self because there was a bunch of self-hate growing up. If I had someone like me in my life when I was younger, I feel like my situation would have been better, but because I didn’t have that type of persongrowing up, I ended up becoming that type of person. I was missing that role in my life, so I became that role. It changed me for the better, I feel, whether that role has me being a villain or not, and I thoroughly enjoy who I am today. Even with coming out, it can be you telling people, or it can be you telling yourself, but you’re still coming out, which is the beauty of it all. You can be out to yourself, which is you realizing you have an identity you possess now or that you’ve always had.

Q: Would you improve Pride Month celebrations? How?

A: I’m big on representation, so just making sure that line-ups are diverse in multiple ways and also make sure that we amplify the voices of folks who don’t just identify as lesbian or gay. I’m talking about bisexual, queer,asexual, ace, demisexual, omni, all that stuff, because a lot of the time there’s a lot of in-community hating on other identities. For example, like, biphobia, transphobia, and acephobia are done a lot by gay or lesbian individuals in the community, and it’s very unfair because we’re all a part of the community. We’re all supposed to be supporting each other, so the fact that there’s hate within the community is bad. What I like to say is that if the call’s coming from inside the house, that’s an issue. There are too many things in the world that are constantly trying to put us down. The least that we can do is try to put each other up and raise each other up.

I think that something I would change is for these voices to be also amplified duringPride events. What is the point of continuing the hate toward our own community? I would love it if everyone respected each other, got to know each other, and learned about each other. When you’re learning about each other and other people’s identities there’s also a form of respecting someone’s identities. Like, it’s something that happens even in other marginalized groups. Maybe in work spaces, some women will talk down other women so that they seem more higher-up than men or more higher-up in the world in general. No, we can both uplift each other. We can be valuable, and we don’t have to seek approval from the outside world to be seen as valuable. We’re valuable to ourselves, and we’re valuable within our community. Again, the call is coming from inside the house, and it’s concerning.

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Q: How has your streaming career been impacted by being openly LGBTQIA+, if at all?

A: I want to say it’s been heavily impacted by my identity, especially being black andbisexual. I came to Twitch because I wanted to find more individuals who looked like me and identified similarly to me, so I came right off the bat looking for a queer community, looking for a community of people of color. So yeah, it’s been impacting my community and career. I’m still the same, wanting to have a community that I care for because there are not a lot of spaces on Twitch for people like me and so, in order for queer individuals to find a space for themselves, they have to create a space. It’s so upsetting sometimes because we have to put in the work, but I’m very happy to put in the work because I want people to feel protected and safe from this world and know that the gaming space is also for them.

Q: Do you feel like you have to play the role of the protector because you didn’t have that role in your life?

A: Yeah, that’s the role I play for myself. As we talked about earlier, I needed to protect younger blizz, so that’s a role that I’m too familiar with. Now that I’m online, I don’t mind playing that role. At the end of the day, I’m hoping that no one experiences anything that I had to experience or worse. I want to ensure that they know how to handle the world and that they get the help they need for processing the world, and I would love to help them if they need a space to relax before having to deal with the fire of the world. I will be that space, I don’t mind. Spaces like these are important. The space I created is important, and I hope to keep it as important as it is or as it has been for the past two years. It takes a lot of practice. I’ve spent a lot of years trying to practice it and only fully being able to execute it since I started streaming. Three years ago I learned.

Q: Is it hard to stay positive with haters and trolls still being around? How do you deal with them?

A: That’s a good question. What I’ve explained online a lot is that when I first started streaming I got a lot of hate the first week. People calling me the “N-word,” calling me just a lot of racial slurs. I was under the queer tag too, theLGBTQIA+ tag. People were attacking me for that on the Internet, on Twitch, and it made me not want to stream. Then I sat in my bed one day, and I was like “No, if I don’t keep streaming those people win,” and I’m very stubborn. So I continued, and I sometimes get trolls coming in trying to hurt me in some way, but what they don’t understand is that none of their content is original, none of their comments are original, it’s always something I’ve heard before. So if you’re trying to troll, do better. What you’re saying is the weakest thing I’ve ever heard. When you interact with a troll or a bigot, especially in the space that I’m in, you can either just block and move on or you can use them for content.

What I do have for that is a troll song, so we kick them out, and I play the song, it’s a little rap song that I did, and it’s me basically roasting the person in that rap, and I’m like “Ahah, that’s what you get.” I’m not going to sit here at the end of the day and say “Ignore trolls,” if you want to use that troll for content and make a song as you ban them, by all means, you can. If you want to interact with them and put them in their place, you can. If you want to ignore them, you can. It’s completely up to you. There’s no right way of handling points, and some streamers think there’s just one way ofhandling trolls, but you can do it however you want to. Just verify that the trolls know that you’re putting them in their place, it’s all I really care about. What I use to say is “If you swing at the king, you better kill him. If not, I’m coming back for you.” So, I don’t know, I come off as a little aggressive when it comes to trolls, and I don’t care because I’m the villain. You’re not obligated to give anyone a response or give them your time. Remember that too. Time is money, time is a resource.

Q: What are the benefits of your job, and what are the concerns, if any?

A: Ok, benefits. I don’t work 9 to 5, instead, I work 12 pm to 3 am, which is still concerning. On a serious note, the benefit of my job is that I can be authentically myself, I don’t have to necessarily hide who I am. That was something that I was doing when I was working my government job. I was hiding my identity of being a bisexual male, but with Twitch I was myself right off the bat. I was like “Hey, I’m a queer individual. I like gaming, I like chatting, I likebuilding LEGOs, true crime, and that’s what I do.” It allows you a space to be yourself, and not a lot of jobs have that. I would also say one of the perks is to meet a lot of new and amazing people, there are a lot of companies and people that I’ve worked with, that I used to watch growing up. Now I have the opportunity of being in the same lobby as I am, to have conversations with them. It’s been super amazing. I’ve met people who have inspired me to want to start content creation or want to do this full-time. They’ve changed my life for the better, and I’m very thankful for it.

Some of the cons, though, deal more with the platform as a whole. There are moments where Twitch uplifts marginalized creators, but not always necessarily protecting them from haters or bigots. I’ve beenhate-raidedabout five times now. I’ve been attacked by white supremacists in real-time, I’ve seen them attempt to attack my channel, come after me, make comments about me, and use slurs against me. I’ve seen it happen, I’ve seen it be done when people attack my Discord, and stuff like that. It really does suck. I was put in a situation where Twitch uplifted me but didn’t protect me nor had anything at that time to have me protected. Another thing is Twitch gets 50/50 for our revenue. So if anyone subs, I get half of that sub. What they should be doing is 70/30, where I get 70%, and they get 30% because they’re making money.

They don’t necessarily understand that this split could change people’s lives. This could help with the rent, it could help with medical bills and stuff like that. I want to be able to do that, but Twitch is taking 50% for something we’re kinda helping them in being successful. I can’t think of any other cons, to be honest. There are more, but my mind is completely in a fog right now. But yeah, I would say the pros are that you’re able to be unapologetically yourself and meet people, especially ones that you can relate to, and then the cons are the revenue and not muchprotection when it comes to being hate-raided, especially when you’re a part of a marginalized group. This is my full-time job and I have to sit in the cards that I’m dealt, but these are not cards that I’ve dealt for myself, and the platform has dealt for me instead. A lot of us are trying to work it the best that we can.

Q: What do you think should change to provide LGBTQIA+ individuals a better life?

A: I don’t necessarily know. Especially with me being on TikTok, I’ve been watchingGen Zset the precedent for queerness, and it’s kinda cool, they’re revolutionizing queerness. Starting the conversations, remembering the history, and respecting the history, it’s beautiful to watch. I think right now, the only thing that I would say tying back with the other question, is that there is representation within the community and stopping hate within our community, that’s very annoying, and I hate it. In terms of Twitch, and in terms of the LGBTQIA+ community, also doing the same thing and recognizing the community and the parts that make the community, like folks who are asexual, aromantic, bisexual, trans, and really uplifting them.

If you’re going to uplift these creators, then you are also protecting them from the hate, and the comments of individuals on the platform. But what I will say is that’s very, very telling that when you uplift these creators, you have a lot of users, a lot of viewers causing hate in their chats. What type of platform are you creating and cultivating if a lot of them are racists, sexists, transphobic, orhomophobic. It’s very telling on the platform, that’s all. A lot of the time, people will be like “I’m allowed to say this because of freedom of speech,” but your words have consequences, even though it’s freedom of speech. People don’t use freedom of speech correctly, I feel, but you’re able to say something, but you can also still have consequences for saying something. Freedom of speech doesn’t get rid of the consequences.

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Q: What can video games contribute to that change for LGBTQIA+ individuals?

A: I think video gaming is important for learning and also affirming. Especially if there’s aqueer narrative in a video game, learning about an individual’s life or a character’s life is just kind of relatable. The reason I bring affirming into it too is if you see someone like you in a game, or see someone who has a similar identity to yours, it validates your identity. You’re like “Oh, this person is queer, and they’re badass, and they’re killing all these monsters,” and stuff like that. I’m also queer, and I think I’m badass too. I see myself in a game, and this makes me more interested in playing the game.

I’m starting to see myself in media, in popular media. It’s really affirming, but also for folks who maybe are not part of theLGBTQIA+ community, and they decide to play the same game, hopefully, it’s like educating them too, giving them a different perspective on what it’s like to be a queer individual. But also, at the end of the day, it’s hard to know what it’s like to be part of a certain community unless you are into that community. You can only empathize with people’s situations, but it’s a starting point, a stepping stone.

Q: On that note, what LGBTQIA+ video games would you recommend, and why?

A: I’m going to pull my library because that’s a good question, and I have an answer for it already, but I must see if there’s anything else that I forgot about, that I was a huge fan of. My go-to answer is alwaysStardew Valley.Stardew Valleyis a game I love, I still play it, and it defined my career basically. It’s a game where you can marry whoever you want to marry. It doesn’t change the narrative, it doesn’t change anything. If you find someone attractive, and you want tomarry them, by all means, you can. It’s a beautiful game about you being a farmer leaving your busy corporate job to go move into a small town and be the farmer of that town. It’s just nice, it’s just comforting, at that point.

My games I would say areStardew ValleyandApicoright now. I want more of this representation. I see a lot of Netflix shows moving towards a queer narrative, and it makes me so happy.Sex Educationwas a big one, and you got that right off the bat, which was really nice. It’s cool living in a time when you’re able to finally see yourself because for the longest time media was not like that. There’s still more that we have to do for folks to feel like they’re being represented instead of something that’s just tragic. There’s queer joy, black joy, Asian joy, things don’t have to be traumatic for you to care or for it to be popular.

Q: Do you find it rewarding to be an LGBTQIA+ streamer?

A: I would say yes. I feel like hiding my identity is a lot of weight and a lot of energy for me to do. I get very tired very easily. I have no interest in hiding a part of myself. If people have an interest in doing so, by all means, do whatever you want to do. For me, it’s a benefit because I get to talk to more people that are like me, whether those are streamers or viewers, and it creates a space of understanding and a space of learning about each other.

Q: What piece of advice would you give to LGBTQIA+ individuals looking to get into streaming?

A: I would say, first and foremost, understand why you’re streaming. If it’s about building a community, then think about what you want from the community. If it’s just gaming, and you want to find other people that play the same game as you, then think about the game and what you’re going to do, things you want to talk about. If it’s to make money, that’s valid. Do whatever you want to do and how you think money will come, so understand that Twitch is taking 50%.

My main advice here is, that if you’re passionate about it, then do it. Do some research. Like, on YouTube there are a lot of resources onhow to begin streaming, things like tech stuff, and software stuff if you need it. You don’t have to have the best things in order to be a successful streamer. You can have the best camera in the world, the best computer, and the best skills, but it doesn’t mean that your content is quality. Think about what is quality to you, and what success looks like to you. For me, personally, how I view success or that I’m a successful streamer is the fact that I’ve impacted someone’s life for the better. At least one person. And that’s really awesome. Just start to have that conversation with yourself. What are your intentions? What do you see as success?

Nikatine

Q: How did you choose Nikatine as your handle?

A: My name is Veronica. When I came out I told my dad that I wanted to be called Veronica, and he asked me if there was a shorter nickname that I wanted to be called. He asked me if I wanted to be called Roni, but I didn’t like that, so I said “What about Nica?” Ao my dad calls me Nica. I thought that maybe I could make it my online handle, a short for my name, and Nikatine just popped out.

Q: Congrats on your recent coming-out tweet! What do you think of the pressure of coming out? Do you feel like you had to “rebrand” yourself in a way?

For a long time, I deliberated pretty heavily on whether I shouldcome outthat way because not only was I nervous about the chilling effect it might have on my career, but also about the effect it might have on my private life with my partner, who’s very important to me. I recognize that I have something very special, and I don’t want to spoil it, I don’t want to share my nice personal relationship with everybody. As a content creator, I’m almost forced to commodify every aspect of my life.

It’s just nice to have something that’s so special and personal to me, to have my relationship kind of off the grid. There’s a tipping point, you know. It ended up being that my relationship with my partner is such a big part of my life that it was harder and harder to keep it a secret from anyone. I wanted everyone to find out from me. My biggest concern was that it’s just such a big part of my life that I was probably going to let it slip at some point, and several of my closest friends know or have known for a while, and maybe they would let it slip by accident. I wanted to verify that before anybody let it slip that I’m gay I could actually make that statement in the way that I wanted to make it.

A: I think a huge portion of Pride Month is devoted to parades and the acceptance of the very visible queer folks out there. Right now it’s very easy to celebrate Pride Month for white gay men. I think what I want to see in the future for Pride Month is a greater emphasis on minorities, especially queer people of color, who are very often just left behind in these discussions. I want to see greater acceptance and more uplifting storytelling for queer people of color who are left behind in promotional campaigns, and ads campaigns in Pride. Some of the most vulnerable people in the LGBTQIA+ crowd aretrans people of color. I think it’s very important that we find a way to include those voices in Pride Month celebrations because we’re only as safe as the least safe among us.

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A: I think if I had to say anything about how it impacted my streaming career, I feel much calmer, more satisfied emotionally, I no longer feel like I have to hide anything. My recent coming out feels a lot like my coming out as trans many years ago. I don’t get this guilt that I’m keeping a big secret from everybody. I really love my girlfriend, and it’s just really nice to talk about it, to talk about her.

A: When I first started streaming I was very nervous. Somebody would say something, and it would throw me off, somebody would come to my chat and make fun of me and I would be really nervous and scared, upset. The second time I would be a little bit less upset, the third time it would hardly faze me. Now I just look for interesting ways to make fun of them. I have a wonderful team of mods, and together we probably ban several people a day. Sometimes I don’t even have a chance to see what was said. Of all the people that someone would try totroll on Twitch, it’s probably the least effective on me.

People are going to be bullies no matter who you are. I think that’s shameful that there’s so much bullying of trans people, but I also recognize that the Internet is a wild west right now. Until there are major fundamental changes to the way we operate online there’s not really a good solution to that. I’m willing to accept for now that people are going to say mean things to me sometimes. If they’re saying a mean thing to me and getting banned, then they’re not saying a mean thing to someone who will maybe take it personally. It’s liketanking in video games. I’m happy to tank for other people because I don’t get emotional about it.

Q: Would you change anything about what Twitch does for trolls and haters?

That’s a very niche thing, but I would love to see it. I think Twitch could do a lot toshowcase queer and diverse talent. That’s very important, and I think Twitch has made some very good steps in that direction. I want more of that. Even if Twitch was promoting a different queer streamer every day, I still think that there are some pretty interesting discovery challenges to be solved at Twitch, and I really look forward to seeing how those are handled. Since I started streaming on Twitch, my experience in terms of moderation tools has improved dramatically over the course of the last four or five years.

Having some brand-new mod tools, like mod view, being able to a user page and see someone’schat history, being able to lock your chat to only verified accounts or people who have had a Twitch account for longer than a certain period of time. These tools are excellent steps in the right direction. I’m very glad that Twitch has implemented them, and I’m excited to see where Twitch goes with these because I would have loved to have access to them when I first started. The next few years are going to be really interesting, I think, as far as new tools.

A: I think the benefit of my job is the reach. My primary goal for streaming has always been about making sure that trans voices are heard. I want some lonely trans person in the Midwest somewhere to be able to know that there are trans people on the Internet who are doing ok. That’s desperately needed. There needs to be some reassurance for these folks who are very isolated. I want to provide an example for othertrans people, and Twitch has given me the extraordinary ability to have this reach, which is wonderful. Also, the convenience to be able to work from home is outstanding. I’m a creator at heart, I just really like creating, and being able to do that every day is really special, a dream job. I think my concerns are not about a specific platform and more about safety and security, mostly privacy-related and making sure that if I go to a convention, for instance, I’m treated like a human being and not just a piece of meat by crowds.

Q: What do you think should change to provide a better life for LGBTQIA+ individuals?

A: I really want to reiterate that we’re only ever as safe as the least safe among us, we’re only ever as free as the least free among us. I want to see changes in the way that we discuss queer topics. I want to see morediverse representation for LGBTQIA+ people. I think that conversations about trans folks should really be told from trans perspectives. A lot of people who discuss trans issues tend to do so from a very theoretical standpoint. It’s usually just cis people debating each other, and very little are trans people ever consulted about trans issues. I think trans people should have a greater voice and a greater say in our lives. Everyone in life is entitled to happiness, everyone’s entitled to feel safe, and I think there should really be a lot more compassion in the way trans people are discussed. It’s like we’re not even at the table when people discuss our rights.

There’s so little compassion, so little thought put forward to our lives. We’re people, we’re actual people who are affected by the decisions of policy-makers. Transrepresentation is lacking. I think that’s my biggest wish for Pride and the future, that trans people just have a greater say. I feel like queer representation in media is a huge issue. I feel that queer representation has gotten better over the course of the past decade or so, and with a greater emphasis on queer rights over the past ten years we’ve seen plenty of shows and movies cast more trans actors and actresses. Laverne Cox comes to mind. But I do think there’s a long way to go.

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A: I give this answer every time and I still feel great about it. There’s always this question of “If you’re queer then what’s your favorite queer game?”, and my answer is and will always beThe Sims.The Simshas always been a way to create your little avatar for yourself. If you’re a kid playingThe Simsyou’re like “Ok, I have to make myself in the game,” but you get to make yourself however you want to make yourself. If you want to be a girl inThe Simsyou can try that out. The newSimsgames have all kinds of really cool customizationfor your character. They don’t even ask you gender questions, they just ask you questions about your character. “Can your character get pregnant? Can they pee standing up?” Those questions are fantastic for character creation because they don’t fixate on your gender, they just fixate on traits of your character.

It’s awesome. Anycharacter creator that asks questions asThe Simsdoes is wonderful. Really any game that allows me to make the kind of character that I would want to be seen as. There are lots of games that only allow you to pick one gender from only white faces. There are things like fifteen white hairstyles and only one person of color hairstyle. Stuff like that can be frustrating. Any kind of game with a robust character creator is my favorite.

One thing I really like about character creators is when you’re able to mod them, likeFallout.Falloutgameshave a really robust modding community, so being able to mod aFalloutgame is great because you may whatever you want to the character creator.Skyrimtoo.

A: I do, I find it extremely rewarding. There are slow days, days when I get questions like “Did I make the right choice? Am I doing the right thing with my life?”, and every so often I get a DM from a kid from the deep south or the Midwest or something that says “Wow, I’m really glad that I found your stream. I’ve decided to come out, I’m making steps towards transitioning, thank you so much.” That’s the reason why I stream, that’s the point, that’s what it’s all about.

Q: What advice would you give any LGBT person looking to get into streaming?

A: I would say don’t give up. There are going to be a lot of people who want you to give up.Visible queer peoplefrighten the worst kind of people, and shining a light in dark places is always a great way to make progress. Don’t give up, it’s going to be ok. If things ever seem bleak, or you’re ever scared or sad, you should just know that there are thousands of people in this world who are here for you and want to make a positive change with you.

ZombaeKillz

Q: You probably answered this multiple times, but why ZombaeKillz?

A: I actually don’t get asked that a ton, like almost never. I lovezombies, I love all things zombie, and my original screen name used to be ZombieKiller601 because that’s the area code from where I lived, as there were so many “ZombieKiller.” People always used to call me Zombae as a joke when I first started streaming, and I was like “Maybe I should change my name to Zombae,” and I put up a poll asking if I should change my name to Zombae or ZombaeKillz on Twitter, and more people voted for ZombaeKillz because it kept something from ZombieKiller. I changed it over to that, but I love killing zombies and I like being cute, so Zombae kinda matches up.

It’s funny because you have to be consistent. One of the things I learned from a big streamer I watched was that having numbers or hyphens and other stuff in your name wasn’taccessibility-friendly, so when I took those numbers out I did because it wasn’t as accessible. I learned that, but I didn’t think about that when people were typing my name. Putting a bunch of numbers in my name that no one was going to remember wasn’t great, and I wanted to stay close to my original name, but you have to have consistent branding for people to be able to find you everywhere. So I checked, made sure that it wasn’t taken on any platform, and then I took it on every platform.

Q: Has your LGBTQIA+ identity impacted parenthood in any way?

A: I think yeah because my son just came out as trans, my son Phoenix, this past year. Before Phoenix came out as trans, Phoenix was identifying as queer, and Phoenix was so scared coming to me and was like “I’m scared, but I have something to tell you, and I don’t want you to not love me anymore,” and I was like “Kiddo, there’s nothing you can say to me that’s ever going to make not love you.” He, at the time, was going by the gender assigned at birth, and was just hyperventilating and said “I think I’mbisexual,” and I was like “Cool, mommy is too. Next thing?” and Phoenix just looked so relieved and so shocked. We’re pretty open at our house about everything.

My parents were cool with me, they always talked about sex, and drugs, and demystified all these things, and just wanted me to have safe sex. They didn’t want me to make stupid choices, as my parents always wanted me to have a safe place to do things and a safe way to do them. They were like “We know you’re going to have sex. Here are condoms, they’re going to be in the bathroom. We’ll check it often and refill it. If you want to go on birth control let us know.” My parents never shamed me for who I was. My mother shamed me about being queer, but with my dad – I was fourteen when I came out – and I finally got enough nerve to come out to my mum and she said I was going to burn in hell, and I was deeply upset. I went to tell my dad, and my dad just said “Yeah kid, we know you play softball. Nothing’s new here under the sun.”

I’ve always been around queer people my whole life. My dad was friends with some drag queens when I was growing up. They’re very big in the DC punk scene, so queerness has always been part of my life, and I think it’s pretty much been always part of my kids' life. When I got married to my husband, we were married by one of my friends who’s a drag queen, we had aHarry Potterwedding. It was a great time and it was a queer time. In those parts of my parenthood, I’m really glad that my queerness allowed me to be able to give my kids the support that they need doing what they’re doing. I’m very scared for my kid, obviously, being trans and being black. We live in the deep south, it’s such an ostracizing and dangerous life to live, unfortunately, because this society is so trash. I have that fear that any parent has, but I’m just going to support my kid, whatever my kid needs, whatever affirmations that they need to know that I love them and that they’re valid, I’ll be able to give them. The same thing that my dad did for me.

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You shouldn’t have to validate your existence. I definitely panicked more when Phoenix said that they were trans, not because of him being trans, but because I knew how people were going to treat him. I know that we live in Mississippi, and I knew that friends would reject him, teachers would reject him, and it’s a scary time with all the types of legislation etcetera that are being passed that are super hateful. Because he’s black and because he’s trans, and we’re in the deep south, being black is already scary enough, interactions with police, interactions with people’s parents. The legislation has been passed with them wanting to tell parents and remove kids from homes if their parents are affirming their gender, the stuff that’s going on inTexasis very much trying to be passed here in Mississippi. I just panicked internally, not at Phoenix, not at Phoenix actually discovering who he was, not who I put on him, whoever the little soul in that body is.

Because of the world, I just got deeply stressed and anxious. I just want to bubble-wrap him, but I know that I can’t, so I’ve had to have some very real talks as a parent that have been slightly terrifying because I already have to have so many talks to Phoenix about Phoenix’s blackness and queerness already, but now I’m like “Here are some extra layers of bullshit that you’re going to deal with growing up, and I want you to be even more hyper-aware.” I felt like it was so unfair and that I was ripping away parts of their innocence by having this talk with them. So much hatred. So much hatred, for what? I wish more people cared about these people being voted out of office who are putting all these hateful legislations up, and I wish more people were able to understand that we could save a lot more lives.

Trans kids are killing themselves at an alarming rate. That was the thing that I was also very worried about, Phoenixfighting depression and anxietyover not being affirmed in his gender at school or by people we know and love, who are family members. The second any family member has something to say about it, there is no “Be nice, let them call you this or treat you like this.” If they do not agree with who Phoenix is as a person, then they’re not in our lives anymore, period. The thing that scares me the most is making a mistake with pronouns. As a parent, I’ve definitely made that mistake to my friends before.

Thankfully, a lot of my friends were super kind. They were like “Look, we grew up together, it’s been thirty years, I also know you havesevere ADHDand you’re autistic, and you have memory issues. You slipping up is not you targeting or misgendering me on purpose.” I’m grateful for that grace that my friends have given me, and I’ve let Phoenix know that I’m navigating and learning this too, but I’m not ever taking away from their identity, who they are, or whatever. I’m just so used to this, but I’m so happy for who they are now, but it does scare me. I talked to a couple of my friends about it, and they were like “You’re doing great. Everybody makes mistakes. You can tell when something is made intentionally or when something is made with malice, and sometimes people can be hypersensitive.”

Every time I messed up, Phoenix has been like “Don’t worry about it,” because I usually correct myself. Sometimes I’m like “Come here, I love my girls,” and then I’m like “I mean, my dudes,” but Phoenix tells me not to worry about it. I will say, my youngest kids, my six and seven year olds jumped on board so fast, and they referred to Phoenix as their big brother. It makes me so freaking proud. They’re just so malleable and adaptable to everything, and they correct anybody who gets Phoenix’spronounswrong. Hopefully, if we raise this generation to be malleable, they’ll be malleable into their old age. I’m 38, I’m about to be 39. I’ve looked at this person without knowing this thing my whole life, which I now know, and I really shouldn’t have put that on them. I wish that I would have known the things that I’m learning now.

I’m always learning more and I’m always trying to do better. I’ve definitely had to grow, even in the past year or so, in the things that I think. Just because you’re queer, it doesn’t mean that you have all the letters figured out. You don’t have all of the things figured out, and you don’t know all the best ways to navigate those things. All of my kids have gender-neutral names, all their middle names are also gender-neutral. I named them after specific comic book characters, but allgender-neutral names. Loot at Phoenix, what a great trans name. Phoenix too can change their name. I found myself very attached to their names as a mama who carried them and thought about them for so long, but I realize “Why do I do that?”. It’s something you love. It’s something you have to say “Do I love the idea of this thing or do I love the thing? Do I like the idea of being a parent or do I love my children?”. It’s a lot of work that I had to do – decolonizing my parenting, decolonizing my ego.

As parents, how can we do the least harm? In this past year, I’ve discovered a lot about my gender identity as well. I realized that I don’t like aconforming gender identity. I like so much more to be called they/them than I do she/her because I feel that I had to hyper-feminize myself because of my “plus-sizeness” in order to be considered conventionally attractive when I’m not. I realized a lot of things were tied into always being made masculine because I’m bigger and that I couldn’t be feminine unless I dressed super girly. I don’t want to do that anymore, and I don’t want to feel like that. I’ve been really exploring my gender identity as well, and I’m not really sure what the best for me to say it is, other than to be really gender non-conforming. It’s not that I’m not a woman because I know that I identify as female, but I don’t want to play in gender roles in any way, shape, or form. I don’t want to play in the gender ideals of our society either. I just wanna be outside of it. I’m not really sure where it falls.

A: I would be quieter about the rainbow consumerism aspect of it. I’m really not a huge fan of rainbow consumerism, but this year I’ll say I saw it from a different light. All these brands don’t offer healthcare for black people, they don’t help with transition costs, and they don’t do a lot of the work that’s actually involved with it. But then, this year was the first year that I knew I had a trans son, and my son was so excited when we went to Target. Phoenix was so pumped to see thetrans flag, trans flag sunglasses, trans flag rainbow sandals. Phoenix couldn’t wait to put the trans flag up in their room, he was like “I feel so seen and I feel so represented.” I had to change a little bit the way I feel about it.

I’ve been queer forever way before these companies did all these things. For me it was never a big deal, I was always queer, I didn’t need to wear rainbows all over my clothes, and it wasn’t even really safe to do all this stuff. I’m almost forty. This wasn’t safe. You got beat for being queer. You got yelled at, you got spit on, you got dirty looks, whereas now everybody is queer and wants to be queer. It’s safer, and it’s beautiful. Maybe I shouldn’t be all “Rainbow consumerism sucks.” It does suck if your company is not doing the work behind the scenes, but also it’s great for all the gay kids growing up or all the people who have never been affirmed in their lives or identity. They can go buy adope Xbox controllerthat has their flag’s colors or whatever affirmations that they need in their lives.

I’m lucky enough that I had affirmation from my family, so I didn’t ever really need to have that external type of affirmation. But to see my kid delighted definitely made me see why this is so important. I’d like these companies to do better in the things that they actually offer. During Pride Month celebrations I’d like to see companies hire diversity and inclusion people to come in and talk about these things. I’d like to see companies look at their healthcare policies and ensure that they are actually inclusive. I’d like to see these brands that are pushing all this stuff treating their employees and people that use their stuff better. Even the Pride Month celebrations on Twitch, you have to scroll down to see it. Instead, it should be the entire front page. It should be consistent, and it shouldn’t just be Pride Month. It feels so crappy to just do this once a year.

I got this one shot to compete with all these other queer people to try and get seen for this little bit of time. There are so many queer streamers, amazing queer streamers, and you’re only going to see a small fraction of whoever streams the most and whoever is the most popular. You’re not going to see somebody with zero viewers who is a phenomenal entertainer who just hasn’t fallen in with the right crowd. The tags do make it a little bit easier for you to find people, and I highly suggest doing this for Pride Month, go look at people’s gofundme accounts, go look at people’s Ko-Fi, people who are queer, and you follow. Look up people who need funds for transitioning, needing binders, needing all these things that aregender-affirmingor helping them. Look at these queer YouTubers and start donating directly to them. Cut out the middle man of all these companies. Go directly support these people.

If you’re a Twitch person and are watching streamers who are queer, do not sub to their channel and letTwitch get 50 percentof it. Go donate directly to that streamer’s PayPal, and tip them. If you want to do it for free, go and say “I see you, you’re valid, I’ll support you any way I can,” and share their stuff. If you may’t financially do it, share them, and highlight them. I feel we should do so much more community work during Pride Month and less competition. It should be companies and brands say “A portion of our sales goes to charity,” something that’s done all year round and not just during Pride Month. Cramming any identity in 30 days doesn’t work. As a person of color I also have Juneteenth, which is a huge thing that I celebrate every year, but I go to big celebrations here in Jackson, Mississippi.

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There are so many things that are beautiful and diverse, and people try to capitalize on that. If you’re an ally, don’t put rainbows in your profile, just quietly do your moves and your support. You don’t have to loudly proclaim on every social media that you’re an ally. I saw a big misstep withOreo. They had this whole thing with black and white packaging talking about allies, and I was just like “What? What are you doing?”. Do you know what Oreo could have done? Hire a diversity and inclusion consultant. Anything to do with a marginalized group, you should have a team of that group, not just one black person in a sea of whiteness. Not just one queer person in a sea of heteronormativity. You need to have a crew of people that you consult, and you need to talk to them. We are not a monolith. Ask around, get a general consensus, and move forward.

Twitch has done a better job, and they’re constantly doing a better job, I’ll say this. From everything that I’ve seen, Twitch has made steps forward. Are they where we want them to be? No, and they’ll never really be there because we’ll always want something more as we learn more and learn how to do better. Twitch is a giant company. For them to be doing so good as they are, pats on the back to the people that do it. There are community managers and lots of folks who are always queer-identifying themselves, and they’re pushing for change. Just in the short time that I’ve been partner on Twitch, in two years, they’ve made such leaps and bounds. I hope they continue to do it. I’d like to see more of that. I’d like to see it on more streaming platforms, likeFacebook.

Facebook allows so much hate speech towards people of color and queer people, they’re constantly banning people for fighting these folks. I love Twitch. I may not like the whole atmosphere of it all the time, but Twitch is the best option for a lot of folks. They added the LGBTQIA+ tag and a queer tag, which is great, as I identify as queer. It feels comfy to me because I don’t really like being super-specific. I used to think that I’m bisexual. I’m not. Then I thought “Maybe I’mpansexual,” but I’m not sure, so I just call myself queer. Saying queer makes it simpler and feels like people can understand it better. When I was growing up, it was just queer or homosexuals and lesbians. Calling it LGBTQ was when I was a bit older, now it’s LGBTQIA+. I want everyone to be able to call themselves whatever they want, but it does feel like there are too many options. Maybe we do need a blanket, maybe we don’t.

A lot of older people call themselves African-American because they really fought to be called that, and they think thatcalling yourself blackis a kick in the face. I don’t like identifying myself as an African-American, I like identifying myself as black. We used to go under the umbrella of people of color. Black is a totally different experience from the rest of the people of color. It does add layers of depth to it. I’m not even sure if we need an umbrella like that with the LGBTQIA+. Let people just tell you what they were. As a queer person, there are new things I learn all the time. I have a close friend of mine who is ace. I had all kinds of questions because I didn’t think ace would be considered under the umbrella because it seems more like withholding of sexual activity, but I was wrong. There are ace people who have sex. There are all kinds of things. It’s such a wide color palette of a world that I don’t even think I dipped my toe into, if I’m being honest.

I’ve spent my whole life gendering everything, it’s what we’re taught from birth. Especially in the south, everything is “Yes ma’am, no ma’am. Yes sir, no sir,” or else you are considered disrespectful. I live in a place that is very dependent on gendering things. When I’m out in public I too go “Yes ma’am, no ma’am,” and then I realize I’m assuming these people’s gender. I know a lot of these folks don’t care because they’re older, but what about the one chance that I might hurt somebody? I hope people make it known who they love and who they support. Make it known. Tell them to correct you. There is nothing else I’d like to do than being corrected versus causing harm. If we want the world to be nicer and more inclusive, we need to put in the work all the time. Finley, my son, will be like “Oh, dolls are girls' toys.” I don’t think that dolls are girls' toys.Dolls help you dress and take care of babies, and when you’re a parent you know how to do it. Finley was like “Oh ok, cool, so I can play with dolls too,” no big deal.

Q: How has your streaming career been impacted by being openly queer, if at all?

A: It definitely helped me. I was able to find more people that are like me, that have helped me build up a community, and affirm me as a person. I don’t think it has affected me in a negative way at all. I can’t think of any way that my queerness would be considered negative, and that’s probably a little bit of privilege on the fact that I’m seen as an acceptable type of queer. I have people come out to me. One of my viewers recently came out to me before they came out to their partner and family. That kind of thing means the world to me. They change your whole life.Coming out is a huge thing.

Some of the people I stream to said that I was a safe space to come out. It’s worth everything. It’s helped me find a deeper sense of community, it’s helped me find where I can hopefully affirm somebody, maybe give somebody a space that they didn’t have. I love being out and a queer streamer. I’m queer, all my mods are queer. To give a good guess, I’d say probably 98% of my community is queer. It’s pretty rad. I never had spaces like this growing up. I never had places like this on the Internet. I didn’t have a place I could go and play video games where everybody was gay as hell. I love it. I love having the space. I value it a lot. I find even more people through Twitch.Twitch is great at creating that type of community vibe.

A: I used to be really better at it, and then it really broke me. This past year was probably the most mental struggle of my life. So many missteps that I made in the process of learning to navigate that stuff. So much hatred from all sides. It’s a hard thing, and I won’t say that I do it well or that I’ve always done it well. I can say that I’m maybe learning to do it better now because now I just don’t listen. Before, I cared so much about what everybody thought. I cared so much that it broke me last year, so much that I was hospitalized. It was a terrible thing for me. A lot of it I didn’t handle well. There’s no handbook about how to handle bad situations, there’s no handbook about how to get yourself out of a bad situation. The Internet is so, so loud when you’re aninfluencer. If you make a mistake, you’ll never be able to get back up. That’s what they tell you. You become like a pariah, a martyr.

I’m not onTwitterlike I used to be. I was obsessed with it because I had to know my analytics in order to get more gigs and more opportunities. Now I realized that there is not a gig or an opportunity in the world that’s worth my space and my brain. There is not enough time to pay me to be on those apps all the time like I used to. There’s not enough money you could give me to be able to sacrifice the peace that I’ve been finding this past year. I think it’s important that you have a strong support system outside of streaming.

People that care about you not because of what value or entertainment you bring into their lives, performing, but people who just care about you, and they know your person. Friends and family. If you don’t have family, that’s fine, I don’t really have much, but I have really great friends. I would tell people to make sure they have a good therapist and really shield themselves from a lot. I’m squishy, empathetic, I take everything to heart, and I care too much. I didn’t understand the differences in parasocial relationships, not thinking that everybody is your friend. This past year I’ve definitely pulled out a little bit to have my heart a little more guarded and my mind a little bit better.

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Q: Why do you think Fortnite is popular among queer people? What characteristic or feature makes it great for the community, in your opinion?

A: One, there’s a lot ofrepresentation inFortnite. A lot of it. There are a lot of colorful things. A lot of lighthearted things, and Fortnite mashes up with a lot of fandoms as well. A lot of those fandoms are big within our queer spaces. Another thing that madeFortnitebig in our community is streamers. I’m now going to go ahead and say me. I’ve been really loud and really vocal about how much I loveFortnite, and I got a lot of the bigger streamers in the queer community playing it. It’s one of the most accessible games out there, just ability-wise as well. It hits a lot of the boxes. It’s multiplayer. It’s free. It’s just a great game overall. It’s bright. It’s got a lot of stuff to keep you stimulated if you’re non-neurotypical like me. you’re able to go fishing, but you’re surviving, but you’re riding animals, but you’re shooting at people. It’s a great time.

I’ve been rocking my character for a long time. She’s black, she’s got rainbows on her t-shirt, and rainbow suspenders. There’s not much gayer than all of that. For me, it’s like “I love this game because it’s just amazing, and it feels gay, I can’t explain it,” but I’m sure if you ask folks they’ll sayFortnitefeels gay as hell. A safe haven for gay folks. They’ve been so great in showing that they’re inclusive, which I love. I would really loveFortniteto do a Pride skin. I’m all about pissing off the gamer bros and theirbattle royales. I know every battle royale out there should make Pride skins. I know people would probably target them, but we don’t care. I just love that there is some guy, sitting somewhere, who is being a total prick, and they look at my rainbow skin as I snipe them from two hundred meters away.

It’s phenomenal, and I think more games should give us stuff like that. I think the gay games of the years have been anyPokemongameand anyAnimal Crossinggame, but for the queers like me who like to shoot people in games,Fortniteis incredible. The only thing I wishFortnitedid was that when we buy our Battle Passes, we choose the skins in different skin tones. Sometimes I’ll get a white girl who’s awesome, she’s cool as heck, but why can’t I have her brown?

I wish there was a skin shader. And I wishFortnitewould come up with a non-binary character. A lot of the characters do seem androgynous, which I really dig, but I wishFortnitewould a little more. The game is so cool and culturally significant. They’ve done things like theMartin Luther Kingthing, and I think that during Pride they could talk about the Stonewall riots and educate kids the way they’ve been doing with black history. I think it’s a missed opportunity.

A: It’s got to beFortnite,Animal Crossing, andStardew Valley. And alsoCoral Island. It’s a video game that has same-sex relationships, it has a lot of representation. There are even stretch marks on the characters. There is a lot ofCoral Islandstuff. They have queer relationships, and they plan on releasing the game at the end of 2022.

I think a lot of people should check that out. It’s very similar toStardew Valley, but with way better graphics and not the pixelated type of look.Coral Islandlooks to be the biggest representation we’re going to have all the way around, not just queerness. It looks like it’s going to be a super safe space, one where people will want to hang out for a while.

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